Ninjas Can Trick Death Himself

Hokage Report,

"In a world where things has an end, you wish you could just spend a day without regrets…"

Hello there, how are you guys doing? I bet you’re all having the best time of your artistic lives. I’d really like to open this journal with something lighthearted but the feeling of expressing my frustrations is stronger. Let me take this chance to vent out about my complete lack of progress when it comes to my hobby art. I once asked my best friend about her hobby. She said she doesn't have one. I wondered how one would be able to spend her day without a goal in mind. She just said that watching TV, sleeping or going to the mall is enough to keep her occupied. I do know that she plays an acoustic guitar. At least from there I'm aware that she spends some of her time honing her musical skills. I envy her seemingly free-spirited life. I on the other hand, am struggling to even sustain my hobby art. She said that a hobby is something you do when you have an "extra time". You can't just allot your day for it if you have other responsibilities at hand. That's when it hit me. Recently, whenever I had a time to face my artworks, I have this lost feeling, like I'm afraid to make artwork or something. This journal entry is about the many "loss" I've encountered within the course of my absence, and also about a realization that's haunting me for a while.

In our neighborhood, there's this nice lady who owns an eatery with her husband. We once ate there and she cooks good food. I was surprised one morning when my mother told me that she committed suicide. The news is sad. Our neighborhood has been shrouded by murmurs and whispering. The lady left 5 pieces of paper as her suicide note, pointing finger to her husband as the prime reason for her to end her life. My mother said that it takes a lot of courage; or should I say guts, to point a gun at one's self and pull the trigger. I just think that a life sacrificed must at least accomplish something great or it will be in vain. The husband is currently being investigated, though is still roaming free. Back then, I asked myself as to how much suffering a person could tolerate before thinking of suicide as a course of action, a better option.

My friend's aunt passed away. An acquaintance of mine asked me to tag along and visit the wake. It was already late that night and I wasn't in the mood, yet I obliged. Though the news came to me very late, I manage to take a visit at the last night of the wake with my other friends. I'm not really that close with my company. I do consider them as my friends, but we don't talk and see each other that much. It was a fruitful night for me. We spent the night sharing stories and even laughed from time to time. I know it's rude to laughed while people are grieving, just that I was in a moment of discovery back then. They are fun to be with and just by having that conversation, we manage to make our sad friend smile. It’s fun to learn new things from different people. You get to compare your experiences and relate to some as well.

 
Our cat also passed away just this past week. We are all sad as to how our cat withered to his final moment. He's a strong and proud cat. Most of the time, he is outside either fighting other cats or just hanging around. Despite being a rowdy cat, he's pretty sweet and loves to sleep on any available lap. One day he came home with his left eye a bit opaque. We didn't mind it back then because we thought it was just normal and him being a cat, could heal himself. The left eye got worst. The opaque covering on his eye burst and days after, got infected. We don't have money to spend to bring him to a nearby Vet. All we could do was to observe him and wish that he would be better soon. We were wrong. The infection got bigger and he started to get weaker. He also lost appetite and stopped eating. He just sleeps and walks around. We pet him from time to time to show him how much we care for him. One night he slept so peacefully, only for us to find out the next morning that we've lost him. He's already old, but we expected him to stay longer. It was a sad day. We buried him at our backyard. I put a makeshift tombstone on top for us to always remember the cat that once became part of our family.

My whole clan and relatives celebrated my grandmother’s first death anniversary. We all went out to have dinner. It was a reunion. Who would say no to an eat-all-you-can buffet right? We arrived at the venue. The place didn’t live to what it promised. The facilities are quite old, a bit unmaintained even. But we’re not there for the fanciness, but for the food. Yes, the food, the stuff of our conversations the whole evening. We were never short of words on how to make fun of the food. No, we’re not mocking the taste. All of them were delicious. Just that, we always find a way to joke about it. Like how the steamed buns has fillings of that of a moon cake, or the macaroni soup having almost no macaroni in it. I especially love it when we try a food our taste buds aren’t familiar with, only to find out it’s not to our liking and pass it to each other like it’s a ticking time bomb or something. The restaurant though, is strict with leftovers and forces us to eat it all. The place will give you your spoon and fork, which you’ll use for the rest of your meal. Surrendering it to a waitress makes you ineligible to continue eating. You’re not allowed to borrow from others too. So whenever we had a chance, we hide a relative’s spoon and fork and tell him/her that the waitress took it, leaving them panicking.

I'm current playing an MMO-RPG called Tree of Savior. I just play it casually. An art contest event was announced, encouraging artists to draw a fan art of the game. The reward is a handsome amount of in-game points and a chance for the artwork to be featured as a loading screen. I wasn't interested at first, until the last 3 days of the event when an inner voice said that I should participate. I don’t normally listen to that voice, bit I like the penguin pet that can be bought using the reward. It's a good opportunity to show my art to the world as well. There's just one little problem along my path to joining. My Genius F509 tablet isn't working anymore. "It's dead!" I shouted. I tried my best to troubleshoot it, but to no avail. I’m even in the middle of drawing an artwork for since her birthday was just around the corner. The deadline is just 3 days away, and I’m losing precious time. I searched for a really good tablet to replace it with. I found a Wacom Intuous Art (small) being sold at a price within my budget range, well actually higher, but I have to spend more or else I won't be able to participate. I bought one in at a good price. With little to no adjustment, I drew right away. I was struggling at first. I never used a Wacom tablet before. Back then, with so little time and lack of mastery of my new tablet. I was forced to come up with the simplest form of art I could muster. I did manage to finish my piece on time; only to find out that many good artists also participated which quickly dimmed my chance of winning. I don't feel bad having a thought of losing. I'd feel even worst if I didn't participated at all. I did my best for my entry and even if it's a lackluster, I'm proud of myself giving my all, pulling an all-nighter just to finish it. That piece woke me up, making me realize my current state.
 

Which brings us to my conversation with a friend a while ago.
 

She said that a hobby is something you do at the expense of your free time. Unless you have other responsibilities, you can't give your time for it. When I was making my entry artwork, I stayed up all night. I didn't sleep. It's not my free time. I was supposed to be resting, but I sacrificed my time to finish it. That's how an artist should be! That's how I should be spending my hours with! That's how I live before I met my friends! You see I've lost that part of me. That burning artist died long ago, and I wasn't aware of it. I was exposed to the mundane way of life that it sucked all my drive to create art. I was uninspired. Life simply flows day-by-day, nothing special at all that surprises me. Months of dealing with responsibilities outside my artistic boundary saturated my thoughts with the norm, with little to offer when it comes to artistry. Nothing stimulates my soul into expressing an emotion or idea because nothing happening is thought provoking. Maybe it's just me. I'm just not looking at normal life in an artist glasses. I don't perceive things differently and just take them at face value. I’ve lost my ability to wonder, to ask the “What if’s” of life. It's sad. All this time I was fooling myself that I don't have time for art because I was busy. No I'm not! I have time. What I don't have is that fiery spirit that longs to create. He was dead. All I did was to make excuses but no action. I manage to finish a simple artwork when I put my mind into it. All I have to do now is to "revive Hokage"! I am envious of the many artists here who post their incredible artworks vigorously, while I’m left with an empty feeling towards my art. I’m planning to re-read my self-made comics this coming weekend in order to regain my passion for arts the way I did years ago. I want to feel that drive to create again. I want to be hungry for art. Until I revived the former Hokage within me, my art will be nothing more than a soulless picture. I wanna pour my emotions in my works. I want to impart a message, not just show an image and nothing more to offer. I want to go back to the old me who will stop at nothing to finish an art piece.

One thing though is that my best friend asked me to watch a movie with her. Heck normally I wouldn’t come. I decided to spend my Saturday in sage mode, but it’s her, I can’t say no to her. I don’t know, but I’m just happy when she’s around. I’m just wishful that I’m not falling in love with her though. I will be greatly disappointed with myself if I have developed feelings for her after all these years. It’s like betraying your friendship just because you’re not being rational. God put the brain in our head, higher than the heart so it would be considered first. I’ll come with her so I won’t upset her, but if I do confirm that I like her, then things will get complicated.
 

Ninjas know a couple of techniques to cheat death, but he can’t avoid encounters with those who’ve already fallen behind. The best way is to never forget those who’ve already left and making sure that you live a successful happy life so as to not disappoint them. Life goes on for us who are continuing our own journey. Just live a life with less to no regrets and make the best of what it has to offer. Shortcomings are given. You just have to be brave and soldier on with a smile! Gawd, another long journal! Until then, this is a Hokage under resurrection. See you guys next time.

Next: Comet, Lamp and Butterfly