"Life has it's many flavors. we are meant to taste them all, both the sweet and bitter ones in one bite"
Hello guys, it's been a very very long while. Indeed I was away doing personal stuff that I even ended up not checking my DA more often. So, what were the events that transpired while the ninja was away? One word could summarize it, and that would be the word "Extreme".
No, I didn't go on an epic journey of soul searching and self discovery by having an adventure elsewhere. The extremes has something to do with my emotions.
There were a lot of life's little events that kept me amused for these past months. I was busy doing random but fun things with my friends, ranging from attending birthdays and eating 3 kinds of cake in a day, having chat with friends for hours while dodging topics about love, designing a logo and actually get paid for it, watch an awesome movie everyone thought sucks at first, watch a movie everyone has already seen, staying late till dawn guarding a house, playing basketball with a wounded finger, jogging without water, convincing a friend to keep his job, print silkscreen shirts for free, victory party with matching karaoke (they failed to make me sing), going to anime conventions, cementing a piece of land and made our own walk of fame stars, go to a food fair and had a taste of delicious cuisine of different countries, seeing a district movie festival, went on an overnight hot spring outing which isn't really overnight because we were forced to go home earlier than expected because someone with us is actually grounded, and many many more. Yup, fun times I'm having, things a freeloader can actually enjoy without the need for money. I'm actually surprised that I manage to survive till this day without much financial support. Maybe it had something to do with my own expectations and satisfaction. I managed to keep my satisfaction to a minimum and suppress my longing for the many things I really wanna have (I'm talking about you new phone, bike and notebook).
The month of October could possibly be the most memorable month for me and my family. My father, at the age of 55, passed away. He endured his multiple conditions for the past years. Diabetes, High Blood Pressure, Kidney problems and so forth. He is taking medications and regular check-ups since my late grandmother died (July 2015) of the same complications, and he is afraid that he inherited the same illnesses. But it seems sometimes fate can be really cruel. 12:30am of October 5, he was about to go to sleep when suddenly he coughed. I was sure it was an ordinary cough. He went to the bathroom where he continued coughing. It got louder and more severe. It sounds like he is struggling. I felt concerned so the moment he shouted my name, I hurried to the bathroom where I found him in a puddle of blood, and more dripping from his mouth. I called my mother on the other room. We attended to my father who's complaining that he's having difficulty breathing. I rushed to my relatives just around the neighborhood for help. My father arrived at the hospital and was revived. I thought back then that everything would be alright, and we managed to avert something catastrophic. I have never been so wrong. The doctor talked to us about my father's condition, confessing with all honesty that my father is in a coma, and recovery is close to impossible. Only my father's heart and lungs were working. His brain, dead and only hospital apparatuses are keeping him barely alive. We were in shock, everything fell apart. Hopelessness started to loom inside each of us. Tears came pouring out of our eyes in disbelief, as if everything is just a bad dream. The events went by so fast, we were caught up unprepared. We managed to gather ourselves in order to face our current ordeal as a part of greater reality. My father was relocated to a hospital with better facilities. There his seizures continued which went on for days. Only strong medications dampen the seizures for a short period. There it became apparent that we've lost father. Just like that. Our remaining moments with him were heart wrenching. I actually prayed to God like I've never prayed before, to save him, but it is God's will that is to happen. October 8, me and my brother were outside the hospital when we received a message from our little sister stating that out father's heart stopped beating. On that moment I thought his agony has ended. Maybe, the reason why I'm just writing and talking about this now and not a bit earlier is that I feel more prepared, sort of willing to share it compared to the last couple of weeks right after the events. I don't know if I'm overacting about my response to my father's passing. I mean what is even the normal way to react? Do I even have to share it? Do I want sympathy? Maybe not sympathy. Yes I could just keep this things private, but I decided to let you guys know because "it is real". I feel like I can lighten my baggage if I share it with someone who cares. I am in the process of recovery and adjustments and I know just by sharing this story, I can accept it much easier as a reality and not just a nightmare from the past.
On another story, my dilemma continues...
I kept looking for a suitable job for myself but to no avail. I started to evaluate the reason for my continuous failure. Experience? Skills? Resume? Network? Preparedness? It seems I lack so many on those elements to the point of embarrassment. I am currently studying more design programs. All I know about the industry of Advertising today is that when they say Graphic Artist, they expect you to do more non-graphic artist job just so they can hire a jack-of-all-trade person, like five artist for the price of one. I managed to finish a simple video presentation using Adobe AfterEffects and I think it's a cool addition to my skill set. I'm lazy abut learning InDesign but I'm still working on it. My only reservation is in the Web Designing part. I have to learn basic HTML, CSS and the likes...like what the heck?! Programming is now an artistic role, because an artist who can make his artwork function is a plus. I don't even know where to start...but with my free time, I'll do my best to learn DreamWeaver. My frustration regarding job hunting will continue as days pass with no looming progress. All I can do is just be the right person for the right job. I've been asking my friends to help me find a job, and most of them are willing to help.
Yes, life has it's many ups and downs and it is the only way life knows in order to make us feel alive. Our ultimate goal is still to find happiness with our loved ones, but things doesn't always go our way. Sometimes we have to smile and be happy even if we won't be able to share it with those who we want to be with the most. The lessons I've learned about the past events in my life is that our perception and view of happiness and satisfaction is all about controlling the "unpredictables" in life. No matter how we plan to be happy and expect a positive outcome, there will always be those outside the equation that would cause discord and eminent disruption to that flow. It is all up to the person on what kind of happiness he can derive from what is left of the aftermath. "What is your threshold of happiness?". Up to what point can you consider yourself happy despite the problems that arise? Can you say with all honesty that you are happy? If a person could control his actions and emotion in the middle of a storm, only then can he see a light at the end of the tunnel...since hope remains when you thought everything disappeared.
Oh, sorry for my long post, it's been ages so I have to at least make up for my absences. And don't worry guys, I'm fine, if ever there are those concerned...if ever (^_^). Oh yeah, Yuletide season is just around the corner so I'll working on my Christmasy artwork. Rest assured that I'd post all my WIP's before the New Year. Until then, this is Hokage.
Next: Cage, Angel and Crossbow